Why You Don’t Have to Love Every Moment of Motherhood
Feeling guilty for not loving every moment of motherhood? You’re not alone.
Motherhood is full of contradictions. You can love your child more than anything in the world and still feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or just plain exhausted. And that’s okay. The idea that we should cherish every single moment of parenting is not only unrealistic but can also add unnecessary guilt. If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I should be enjoying this more,” you’re not alone.
You are not alone. You do not have to love every moment of motherhood to be a good mom. Every stage brings different challenges, and it is okay to struggle with them.
The pressure to enjoy every moment of motherhood
Somewhere along the way, we started hearing that moms should savor every second. Maybe it is a well-meaning stranger reminding you, “You’ll miss this one day,” or the perfect pictures on social media making it seem like everyone else is soaking up every moment. But real motherhood? It is messy, exhausting, and filled with moments you will not miss at all.
You do not have to love the sleepless nights, the tantrums, or the endless pile of laundry. You do not have to find joy in cleaning up spilled milk for the third time before noon. Loving your child and loving the daily grind of motherhood are two different things.
As kids grow, the challenges shift, but the pressure does not go away. Parenting teenagers can bring moments you would rather skip just as much as the early years. Maybe it is the slammed doors, the defiance, or the worry that keeps you up at night. Maybe it is the ache of an empty nest and the unsettling feeling of not knowing your next role. Each season has moments that do not need to be loved to be valid.
When mom guilt takes over
Feeling like you “should” enjoy every moment can lead to guilt and self-doubt. If you are struggling with anxiety or constantly wondering if you are doing enough, you are not alone. As a therapist for moms, I see so many women who feel like they are failing because they do not always love this season of life. But the truth is, no one does.
Motherhood comes with hard days. It is okay to feel frustrated, burned out, or even resentful at times. Those feelings do not make you a bad mom. They make you human. And acknowledging them can actually help you move through them rather than feeling stuck in guilt.
The early years: Exhaustion, identity shifts, and the loss of freedom
Becoming a mom changes everything. Your schedule, your sleep, and even your sense of self shift in ways that can feel both beautiful and disorienting. Some days are filled with baby snuggles and sweet moments, while others are a blur of sleepless nights and never-ending needs.
Newborn exhaustion: The constant feeding, rocking, and diaper changes can feel like an endless cycle. It is hard to function on little sleep, and even harder when well-meaning advice tells you to "enjoy every second" when you just want a full night’s rest.
Losing yourself: Motherhood can feel like it takes over your entire identity. You might miss who you were before having kids, and that does not mean you love your child any less.
Feeling alone: Even if you are surrounded by family, the mental load of caring for a baby can feel isolating. It is okay to need more support.
The toddler and young child years: Constant needs and overstimulation
As your child grows, so do the demands. There is never enough time to do everything, and some days feel like survival mode.
Nonstop demands: Small kids need you for everything, and the exhaustion shifts from sleepless nights to days filled with snacks, meltdowns, and endless questions.
Overstimulation: The noise, the mess, and the constant touching can leave you feeling drained by the end of the day.
Lack of alone time: Finding a moment to breathe, shower, or drink coffee while it is still hot can feel impossible. It is normal to crave space.
Parenting older kids and teens: Emotional exhaustion and letting go
As kids grow, the challenges shift from physical exhaustion to emotional and mental stress. The problems get bigger, and so do the emotions.
School stress and friendships: Homework battles, friendship struggles, and social pressures can take a toll on both kids and parents.
Independence and attitude: Watching your child pull away or challenge boundaries can be frustrating and painful, even when you know it is a normal part of growing up.
Feeling unprepared: No one hands you a manual on how to parent a teenager. It is okay to feel unsure, overwhelmed, or nostalgic for the days when your child needed you more.
Parenting adult children: Redefining your role and adjusting to change
Motherhood does not end when your kids grow up. The relationship changes, and that can bring both relief and grief.
Letting go: Even when your child is an adult, it is hard to stop worrying or wanting to fix things for them.
Navigating boundaries: Finding the balance between supporting your child and stepping back can be difficult, especially when they make choices you do not agree with.
Feeling lost: If so much of your identity was tied to raising kids, it is normal to feel a little lost when they are on their own.
Giving yourself permission to feel it all
Instead of trying to force joy in every moment, try giving yourself permission to feel what is real. Some moments are wonderful. Some are just survival mode. Both are part of the experience.
If motherhood has felt heavier than you expected, therapy can help. Working with a therapist for moms who understands the unique challenges moms face can make all the difference. Whether you are navigating anxiety, burnout, or just need a space to process the mental load of parenting, you do not have to do it alone.
Therapy for moms in Milwaukee, Chicago, and beyond
If you are looking for support, I provide therapy for moms in Milwaukee, Chicago, Hinsdale, Whitefish Bay, and throughout Wisconsin and Illinois. Whether you are navigating the early days of motherhood, parenting a teen, or adjusting to an empty nest, you deserve a space to process it all.
About the author
Hi, I’m Shannon! I’m a mom of two and a therapist specializing in therapy for moms. I support women through all stages of motherhood, helping them manage anxiety, stress, and the ever-changing challenges of parenting. I see clients in Milwaukee, Chicago, Hinsdale, Whitefish Bay, and anywhere in Wisconsin or Illinois. If you are feeling like you don’t love every moment of motherhood, I would love to help. Connect with me to schedule a 15min consultation to explore how we can help you find joy among the challenges of motherhood.
