Mothering with a Broken Heart: How Taylor Swift's 'I Can Do It with a Broken Heart' Captures the Reality of Motherhood's Toughest Moments

One of Taylor Swift's latest songs captures what moms are attempting to do everyday… mothering with a broken heart. But at what cost?

As a therapist specializing in working with moms, I couldn't help but notice how “I Can Do It with a Broken Heart” resonates with the daily realities of modern motherhood. This blog post explores how Taylor Swift’s lyrics shed light on the challenges of mothering with a broken heart – whether that’s anxiety, depression, grief, stress, or more while still showing up for our children.

I woke up at about 4:45am and immediately grabbed my ear buds ready to soak in “The Tortured Poets Department.” I’ve been a Taylor Swift fan since her debut album and “Teardrops on My Guitar” got me through my high school crush. I eagerly absorbed several songs of this new album, hoping to squeeze in as much as possible before the tiny humans in my home woke up and pulled my focus to breakfast, cuddles, and arguing over who’s turn it was with which toy.

As I went about my morning routine, Taylor's song "I Can Do It with a Broken Heart" began to play. The vulnerability in Taylor’s lyrics struck a chord with me and echoed the struggles I hear from the moms I work with in therapy every day.

Here’s how Taylor Swift’s “I Can Do It with a Broken Heart” captures what mothers everywhere are living with, the myths we are made to believe, and the reality moms are facing.

"I can read your mind, ’She's having the time of her life, there in her glittering prime’… I can show you lies”

Here’s the myth: Motherhood is nothing but magical. In reality, being a mom is f*ing hard and it’s ok not to love, or even like, every moment of it. Read that again slowly so you really hear me. It’s ok to wish some of it away.

If there is one sentiment I hear most often from the moms I work with, it’s the expectation and pressure to love motherhood. They don’t feel they can confess that being a parent isn’t all wonderful glitter, sparkles, and sequin bodysuits of emotions twirling on stage in front of adoring fans. So moms often keep their true feelings to themselves, not sharing them with anyone or maybe just with a select few.

But, I’m here to tell you that there is room for more than one emotion at a time. I can love that my presence can comfort my sick child and relish the snuggles. And, at the same time, dread the midnight wakings or feel like I’m losing it when I’m covered head to toe in my kid’s vomit (true story). I can adore being the go-to person for my toddler's every thought and feel overstimulated by the never ending “mom, mom, mom” chorus.

You can love your children and want to escape motherhood at times.

“Lights, camera, bitch, smile, even when you wanna die”

If anyone understands the pressure to be ready to perform, it’s moms. And moms don’t have a scheduled start time. You often get no notice. The baby needs feeding, someone's had a nightmare, there’s a sudden boo boo, or the nap only lasted 10 minutes. It’s showtime mama.

There is not a mom out there who hasn’t taken a second to compose herself in the midst of a mental breakdown. From crying to smiles in less than 2 seconds. It can be an Oscar-worthy performance.

And let’s be real here with the “even when you wanna die” lyrics. Depression? Yeah, it's a thing for moms. Suicidal thoughts? They can happen, too. Postpartum depression? It's real and affects approximately 15% of mothers. If this is you, you are not inherently flawed. There is help, and you are definitely not alone.

“All the pieces of me shattered as the crowd was chanting, ‘More’”

The expectations from society on moms are staggering. Have a baby, but be forced back to work before you are healed and ready. Stay home with your kids, but be unable to find work later because of the gap in your experience. There’s also the unsolicited advice or backhanded compliments from strangers in the grocery store making you cry in your car.

And don't even get me started on the endless social media pressure to ensure your kids have the best of everything – clothes, food, development, enrichment activities. Give more, more, and more of yourself. And don’t complain.

So what can you do? Identify what kind of motherhood suits you. What are your values, goals, and priorities? Leave the noise of comparisons behind and focus on what matters to you. It may look different than someone else’s version of motherhood. And that’s ok.

“I was hittin' my marks, 'cause I can do it with a broken heart”

What are the "marks" in motherhood? Outwardly, you might be acing it. School forms turned in, dinner served, bathtime done. Clothing in the next size up washed and ready in their drawers. I see you.

And, if you're the mom reading this thinking, "I don't even hit my marks," let's talk about that. Even on those days when you're hard on yourself and feel like you fell short of your motherhood goals, you still hit your marks. You got through the day. Don’t argue with me.

But here’s the thing: you have to address your own needs. Listen to the stress you are feeling. What is it telling you? With my therapy clients, I’m always listening to their pain points and teaching them to use that data to identify what needs are not being met.

I know there is limited time and energy in motherhood. I’m living it. And, there are ways, even in an impossible schedule, to identify how to care for yourself and put yourself first when it’s needed.

“I'm so depressed, I act like it's my birthday every day”

This part of the song really got to me. It's that stark contrast between the bubblegum pop, almost deliriously happy melody and the pained lyrics that captures the absurdity of pushing through mom life with a smile when all you want to do is crawl into a ball and cry.

You may be having an incredibly difficult day but your baby wants to play peekaboo so you muster up a smile even though it takes all you don’t have. Maybe your kiddo wants to show you their cool new trick and once again, you do a hopefully convincing “that’s so cool!”

“I cry a lot, but I am so productive, it’s an art”

You know what really shouts "motherhood" in this song? It's this line. Even on those days when you feel like you accomplished nothing, you still did. You managed to keep those kiddos alive and well for a whole day.

If you're finding yourself in tears frequently, please don't hesitate to reach out to your trusted support system or a therapist for help. It may be an art to survive motherhood at times, but it isn’t healthy or a badge of honor to suffer in silence.

“I'm sure I can pass this test”

With all the outward pressure moms feel, which often becomes internalized, motherhood can feel like a test. Thoughts of “if only I tried harder, got up earlier, or pushed myself more, then I could do it all.” You feel like a failure for not reaching an impossible standard. Please do not fall into this trap.

Instead, remember that it's okay to ask for help and to prioritize your own well-being. You don't have to do it all alone, and taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your children. Embrace imperfection and give yourself permission to prioritize self-care without guilt. You're doing an amazing job, and you deserve support and kindness, both from others and from yourself.

“You know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart”

You can find humor and solace in this song. And you might even use it as a tool to navigate through those challenging days with a smile – or at least a chuckle.

But, the point of this blog isn't to advocate for "grin and bear it" motherhood. Instead, it's about drawing attention to the fact that the modern mother is unsupported, overwhelmed, and feeling forced to do it all with a broken heart.

Taylor wrote this song tongue in cheek. Even she knows that having to perform day after day, especially when you're mentally struggling, is unsustainable.

“'Cause I'm miserable, and nobody even knows”

Remember, you don't have to suffer in silence. Connect with other moms who truly understand and who aren't afraid to admit that motherhood can be tough. Sharing experiences and supporting one another can provide that much needed validation.

And, if you find yourself struggling, don't hesitate to reach out to a therapist for professional support. Seeking help is a sign of strength, and you deserve to receive the support and guidance you need to navigate through difficult times. You're not alone in this journey, and there are people who genuinely care and want to help you thrive in motherhood.

“Ah, try and come for my job”

You're exactly the mom your children need. It's okay to let go of perfection. No one can fulfill their role as a mom better than you. Just being there is what counts. So, even if it's a day spent in your PJs with a messy house, remember, we've all been there.

About the author:

I am a psychotherapist who specializes in maternal mental health. I help moms rediscover balance, find joy, and thrive amidst the chaos of motherhood. If you are in Illinois or Wisconsin, connect with me to see if we may be a good fit to meet your needs and goals. You can also check out my therapy for moms page to learn more.

Needing more support?

If you are in crisis and needing support, please reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988.