So you want to break up with your therapist...

Are you thinking you want to “break up” with your therapist? Read a psychotherapist’s tips on things to consider as you make this decision.

Maybe you’re contemplating ending therapy completely or wondering about switching to a different therapist. You may be feeling you’ve accomplished what you needed in therapy. Or, maybe you feel the therapist you are seeing is just not a good fit for you. Below are 6 things to consider as you contemplate ending your sessions.

Have you met your goals for therapy?

Ideally, you and your therapist would have developed a treatment plan at the beginning of working together. Your treatment plan should outline exactly what you are looking to accomplish in therapy. At the beginning of treatment, I ask my clients, “How would you know when you are done with therapy?” as a way to identify their therapy goals. This conversation usually starts with ideas such as “I would be less anxious” or “I would have more energy.” We continue to explore this to get a specific plan in place for measuring progress.

You should then revisit this plan every so often to ensure you are on the right track, identify progress you’ve made, and add new goals as needed. This is your literal guide to when to end therapy based on progress. 

So, if you are contemplating if you are ready to end therapy, look over your treatment plan and review where you are at in meeting your goals. Are there new concerns you would want to address? If you do not have a treatment plan, tell your therapist this is something you are interested in having to guide your work. If they say no, break up and find a new therapist.

Talk to your therapist

Especially for concerns regarding progress, please talk to your therapist. Not for them, but for your benefit. Sometimes individuals become frustrated when they don’t see progress after only a few sessions. Your therapist may point out progress they have noticed that maybe you missed. Your therapist may be able to normalize the amount of time it takes to see change in your area of concern. This can help resolve feelings of hopelessness about the ability to make progress with therapy. It is also a great opportunity to identify potential barriers to progress that you may be facing in your life.

My mind reading skills are not up to par. As a therapist (and human being) I cannot read a client’s mind. I schedule ongoing check-ins about the treatment plan in order to provide clients with the opportunity to discuss their thoughts about the treatment process. I will also share my observations during these check-ins. I hope my clients feel comfortable enough to have honest discussions about when their need for therapy is dwindling. This brings me to my next point…

You will not hurt your therapist’s feelings

Therapists are human but ending therapy is part of our job. Actually, it’s the goal of our job. We want you to feel better whether that is by working with us or someone else. Ending therapy because you’ve met your goals is exciting! Ending therapy because you feel you need to see a new therapist is 100% understandable. A good therapist would never want you to stick with them if it wasn’t working for you. 

Probably the biggest reason people “ghost” their therapist is they want to avoid having the awkward “I don’t want to see you anymore” conversation. I am here to tell you that from the therapist perspective, the conversation is not awkward. Let’s have it! I have helped clients discover what about working with me did not fit their needs and what sort of therapist they should be searching for instead.

If you feel a certain therapist’s approach is not effective for you, let’s not waste your time/energy/finances any further. If you break up with your therapist, it's not telling them that they as a person are terrible or should have never become a therapist. It’s saying that that therapist is not the right fit for you. And that’s ok to admit.

Acknowledge the ending of therapy

If you are feeling you’ve met your goals, yes! Let’s celebrate! Having a final session or more to recap progress and creating a plan to maintain that progress is key. It’s also a way to acknowledge the relationship you developed with your therapist and process how it feels to part ways. Ideally, if we know we are getting closer and closer to wrapping up treatment, we can begin to process these feelings sooner. Termination sessions (as they are officially referred as) are an important part of ending the therapeutic process. You’ve accomplished so much, you’ve put in the effort, and you’ve conquered your symptoms.

It doesn’t need to be a forever goodbye

Found your therapist to be helpful and enjoyed working with them? Should you need more support in the future, it’s completely normal to return to therapy as needed. You can always reach out again in the future if the need arises. Therapy is a support level. Life is constantly changing. It’s normal to seek out help again whether it’s for new concerns or you are struggling in areas you previously made progress on.

And on the note of returning to therapy, some find it helpful to try a different therapist the next time. Different therapists have different tips, tricks, and perspectives. If you’ve learned so much from one therapist, imagine what you may learn from another. Returning to your previous therapist or trying someone new are both great options when you feel therapy could provide some healing in your life once again.

Don’t give up on therapy

If you feel the need to break up with your therapist because you don’t think it’s a good fit, please do not give up on therapy. Not every therapist is right for every person. A different therapeutic style may be more effective for you. Personality, sense of humor, etc are also important factors to consider.

Looking for an anxiety therapist?

I’m a psychotherapist who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as a form of treatment for women with anxiety and depression. If you are in Illinois or Wisconsin, connect with me to see if we may be a good fit to meet your needs and goals. You can also check out my services page to learn more.