3 Ways to Help Someone With Anxiety
It is possible to help someone with anxiety. Here are 3 tips to be the support they need.
When a loved one is struggling with anxiety, it can feel as though there is nothing we can do to help. They are on edge, they may keep to themselves, and they may be tearful or even irritable. How can you help someone with anxiety feel better? Here are 3 ways to show your support.
Focus on validating their anxiety not problem-solving
More than anything, we want to take away the pain our loved one is feeling. This can lead us to premature problem-solving. Premature problem-solving is when you offer possible solutions to their problem before you spend time validating the emotions they are feeling. It comes from good intentions but can leave them feeling unsupported.
Instead of jumping to possible solutions, take the time to validate their anxiety. Some helpful phrases include:
- “It sounds like you’re really feeling anxious…”
- “I can only imagine...”
- “That sounds miserable…”
When it comes to anxiety, there often isn’t anything specific you are going to be able to do to take away the anxiety. If you want more help with improving your validation skills, see my blog post on How to Validate Someone.
Consider their love language
If you aren’t familiar with love languages, it’s time you look into this. Developed by Gary Chapman and detailed in his book, the 5 love languages describe the different ways people give and receive love. By knowing the love language of yourself and others, you can strengthen your relationships.
The 5 love languages are:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Physical touch
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
How do the five love languages apply to helping someone with anxiety?
One way to help someone with anxiety is to be there in the way they need you to be. This can differ for everyone. If their love language is physical touch, you might hug them more often or sit and hold them when they’re struggling. For someone who values acts of service, you might do some extra chores or cook them their favorite meal. Words of affirmation might involve reminding them you love them even on their worst days. Gifts could be a small token to let them know you are thinking of them such as tea or coffee from their favorite place. Lastly, quality time can be starting a Netflix show together or even taking a day off work with them.
The idea is to identify how they best feel loved and consider how you can show support in this way. There’s an online quiz to help you learn what your love language is. You can ask your loved one to also take this quiz and compare your results. You’ll then know how they best receive love and this should give you a direction for how you can support their needs.
Ask how you can help with their anxiety
When we don’t know what someone is needing, we tend to default to what we would find helpful if it were us. But this isn’t always what our loved one is needing.
My biggest advice is to ask them directly how you can support them. Don’t pressure them into a response. Still, open up that line of communication. Let them know you are open to their suggestions and feedback about how you can support them.
Some helpful questions to ask:
- “When you’re feeling anxious, what can I do to be helpful?”
- “What do you need from me?”
- “Tell me what would be helpful right now?”
- “I don’t always know what to do when you’re feeling anxious, feel free to tell me what would be helpful to you.”
We aren’t mind readers. It’s ok to admit that.
About the author:
I’m a psychotherapist who specializes in helping millennial and gen Z women with anxiety. Through years of working with anxious individuals, I’ve learned what is most helpful to them in moments of high anxiety. I approach therapy from a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy perspective which is the gold standard for treating anxiety symptoms. If you are in Illinois or Wisconsin, connect with Me to see if I may be a good fit to meet your needs and goals. You can also check out my services page to learn more.
