Social Anxiety Challenge: The Waiting Room

Here’s a social anxiety challenge for you to try. Let’s show your anxiety that it no longer runs the show.

When it comes to social anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be quite an effective form of treatment. Oftentimes, when I am working with a new client who has been to therapy before, they tell me that previous therapy focused a lot on talking about the anxiety but they didn’t feel any actual improvement. 

With CBT, we will definitely talk about your anxiety and work to challenge those thoughts. However, we will also work to challenge your anxious behaviors. Social anxiety often manifests in our behaviors and in particular can result in avoidance of what is causing us anxiety. While the avoidance helps us feel better temporarily, it actually makes our anxiety worse in the long run.

Thus, we must actively work to challenge our socially anxious behaviors so we can retrain our brain to let go of some of that anxiety.

What Makes a Good Social Anxiety Challenge?

When challenging any anxious behavior, you want to pick something specific to you. What causes someone else anxiety may not be what causes you anxiety. Social anxiety is no different but there are often common anxious thoughts that can be triggered in basic situations.

I am often struck by the repeating themes of social anxiety that my clients report. It’s generally an overall fear of judgment with specific thoughts regarding worrying they will look “dumb” or “stupid.” Those are the words I hear the most. 

The exact situations that cause this social anxiety differ. Some hate talking on the phone; others hate texting. Some get anxious ordering through the drive through; others get anxious answering the door when food gets delivered.

Work with your therapist to identify a social anxiety challenge that is specific to you. And brainstorm some ideas you might consider trying. The example in this blog is one basic challenge that you may consider if it applies to you.

The Waiting Room Challenge

You’re sitting at the dentist, doctor, or therapist’s office. Maybe you’re standing in line at the post office, grocery store, or pharmacy. Think about what pretty much every person does while waiting. They are on their phone (I know I usually am). And I’m betting so are you.

Now, imagine sitting there not on your phone. Here’s what your social anxiety might think: 

• “What if I make eye contact with someone? They’ll think I’m weird. Do I smile? Do I say something? Do I just look away?”
• “If I sit here staring into space, I’ll look like a freak.”
• “When the nurse comes out and they don’t call my name, do I look at her? Is that weird? Will she think I’m weird?”

The phone becomes our safe space. You may not even be doing anything on your phone. But looking at your screen feels safer than possibly interacting with others. Being on the phone is what us therapists would call a safety behavior.

Safety behaviors are the behaviors we engage in in attempts to decrease our anxiety. They help take away the anxiety even if it’s just for a brief moment. The phone can be a distraction and avoidance attempt from the social anxiety you feel sitting in a waiting room.

How to Do the Waiting Room Challenge

The next time you find yourself in a waiting room or waiting in a long line, notice the urge you get to get out your phone. Resist this urge. Put your phone in your pocket, bag, or purse. And just sit.

You can look where you want. You can even watch the TV that might be on. I don’t care what you do but I want you to stay off the phone. Notice what thoughts come to mind, how weird it feels to not be on your phone, and if others are on their phones or not.

Do you notice any anxiety? What is your anxiety worried might happen? Really think about this. Afterwards, reflect back and consider, did what your anxiety was afraid may happen actually happen? Did anyone tell you that you were a freak for simply sitting in a waiting room? Did any brief, unintended eye contact make you melt like the wicked witch of the west? 

I’m betting the outcome of this experiment will be pretty uneventful. That’s the point. You want to show your social anxiety that the situations it considers threatening are not threatening. And you have to do this by challenging the anxious behavior urges your anxiety has. The more you do this, the more your anxiety will heal.

About the author:

I am a psychotherapist who specializes in helping millennial and Gen Z women with anxiety and specifically social anxiety through the use of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I have experience helping individuals identify how their anxiety affects their behaviors and developing behavior challenges to retrain their brain to become less anxious over time. My method is to work at the pace of my client and challenge their anxiety in a way that feels safe and effective for them.

If you are in Illinois or Wisconsin, connect with me to see if we may be a good fit to meet your needs and goals. You can also check out my services page to learn more.