Starting Therapy for the First Time: 5 Things to Remember

Words of advice from a therapist about starting therapy for the first time.

Starting therapy for the first time can bring on feelings of anxiety. Here are 5 things to remember about being new to therapy.

1. It’s normal to be nervous about your first therapy session

We often feel anxious when we do something new. This is because our brain has no reference point for how this unfamiliar experience will go. Therefore, you may feel uneasy, unsure, or even a bit scared. Feeling nervous or worried before your first session is so. totally. normal.

For example, you may be wondering: 

• “What will my therapist ask me?”
• “Should I say that one thing?”
• “Are there things I shouldn't say?”
• “What will my therapist think of me?”

Oftentimes, when we feel anxious about doing something, our brain jumps to “just don’t do it!” Because you can’t be anxious about something you don’t do. If you cancel that first session, you’ll no longer be nervous about going. While this may be true, if we canceled everything that made us nervous, we wouldn’t live life. Try to be mindful of recognizing the difference between being nervous about your first therapy session vs. it being something you shouldn’t do at all.

What to do: Label the feeling. Say to yourself, “I’m feeling nervous because this is new to me.”

Further support: Brené Brown calls these brand new experiences “FFTs” which stands for f***ing first times. Why the strong wording? Because doing something new is stressful and we need to acknowledge that! She discusses this in her podcast where you can hear more.

2. You and your therapist are strangers (at first)

I love to remind my clients of this. It’s important to show yourself some self-compassion for just how hard it can be to be vulnerable in therapy. When it’s your first session, you are literally strangers. You don’t know your therapist yet.

In fact, it is ok if it takes some time for you to open up fully. If you didn’t share everything you needed to in the first few sessions, that’s ok. The therapy space is yours and goes at your pace and your pace only. In truth, therapists have no expectations.

Hopefully your therapist will be a great fit, show you that you can trust them, and you’ll be well on your way to opening up fully. Still, it’s ok if that takes a little time.

3. You may have to talk to a few therapists to find the best fit

Each person has a different personality, sense of humor, demeanor, life experiences, and more. This includes therapists. In the same way you might gravitate towards certain people and not others, you'll gravitate towards certain therapists and not others.

The American Psychological Association shares research which shows the therapeutic relationship is essential and directly related to clients making progress in therapy. Furthermore, it’s found to be even more important than the treatment method used by the therapist. Wow.

I bring up this point not to discourage you that you might need to try a few therapists before landing on the one that fits best with you. But, rather to encourage you not to give up on therapy if the first therapist isn’t a great fit.

Therefore, if you can, try to find a therapist who offers a free phone consultation. This can give you an idea of what they are like and may help you weed out a few options right away.

4. There is no wrong way to do therapy

“Am I doing this right?” Yes. Yes you are. In fact, you cannot do therapy wrong. Ok, I guess the only wrong way to do therapy is to not do it at all. Besides that, there is not one way to do therapy.

Remember the following:

• There are no right answers in therapy.
• There are no wrong answers in therapy.
• It’s ok if you cry.
• It’s ok if you don’t cry.
• Going weekly/bi-weekly/monthly is normal.
• Going (insert frequency here) is normal.
• You’re not doing anything wrong if therapy feels easy.
• You’re not doing anything wrong if therapy feels hard.

Your therapy is just that. Your therapy. You get to decide what it is you need from therapy. Above all, the way you do therapy is the right way.

5. Each person’s therapy experience is different

Maybe you have a friend or family member who has told you all about their time in therapy. Maybe they tell you how they hated therapy. Or, maybe they tell you how they and their therapist laugh throughout every session. With this in mind, try not to compare your therapy experience to others or assume yours will be the same.

One person’s experience is not the experience. You will have your own experience in therapy.

Looking for a therapist who understands how starting therapy for the first time can be nerve-racking?

I’m a psychotherapist who enjoys working with individuals who are new to therapy and putting them at ease. Let’s make your therapy experience be what you need it to be. If you are in Illinois or Wisconsin, connect with me to see if we may be a good fit to meet your needs and goals. You can also check out my services page to learn more.