How to Stop Mom Rage in the Moment
Mom Rage is Real But You Don’t Have to Face it Alone
As a therapist who works with moms in Illinois and Wisconsin struggling with mom rage, I know how overwhelming and isolating it can feel. So many moms find themselves snapping at their kids, seething with anger over small things, and then drowning in guilt afterward. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Mom rage is real, it’s common, and it’s something you can learn to manage. In this post, we’ll explore what mom rage is, what causes it, and most importantly how to stop mom rage when it starts to take over.
Why Mom Rage Feels Like Our Generation’s Burden
I truly believe that mom rage is this generation of mothers’ curse to bear. Every generation of moms has faced its own challenges, but in this era of gentle parenting and self-awareness, we are being asked to push through layers of unmet needs and emotions, many of which were never even acknowledged before.
We are breaking cycles, healing past wounds, and doing the deep, hard work of showing up for our children in ways we didn’t always experience ourselves. We are successfully regulating, pausing, and responding with patience so many times that when we finally lose it, the weight of that moment feels massive.
Mom rage isn’t just about the immediate frustration. It’s the result of an emotional backlog. The exhaustion of being everything to everyone. The pressure to be the calm, regulated, and gentle mother, even when we have nothing left in the tank. We aren’t just raising our children. We’re doing it while unlearning and relearning what it means to mother in a way that feels good to us.
This is why the work of managing mom rage isn’t about never having those moments. It’s about understanding them, addressing the buildup before it explodes, and giving ourselves the same grace and compassion we give our kids.
What Is Mom Rage?
Mom rage is a term used to describe the intense anger, frustration, or feelings of overwhelm that many moms experience. It’s that sudden surge of fury when your child won’t put their shoes on, or the deep resentment that bubbles up when you feel like you’re doing everything for everyone, all the time. It’s different from regular frustration because it can feel explosive and uncontrollable.
Mom rage isn’t just about being angry; it’s often tied to deeper feelings of burnout, exhaustion, and the unrealistic expectations placed on moms. Society paints motherhood as fulfilling and joyful, but it often leaves out how physically and emotionally draining it can be. When those feelings build up without an outlet, they can erupt as rage.
What Does Mom Rage Look Like?
Mom rage can show up in different ways. Some common signs include:
Yelling or snapping at your kids or partner
Slamming doors, throwing objects, or other physical expressions of anger
Feeling a sudden, uncontrollable surge of fury over small things
Shutting down emotionally or withdrawing from your family
Crying from frustration and overwhelm
Feeling guilty or ashamed after an outburst
For many moms, this anger comes out of nowhere, but in reality, it’s often been building for a long time. Understanding what causes it can help you take steps to manage it.
What Causes Mom Rage?
Mom rage doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It’s a response to stress, exhaustion, and, most importantly, the overwhelming mental and physical load placed on mothers.
The Mental Load
Moms are often responsible for managing everything: doctor’s appointments, meal planning, remembering birthdays, and the never-ending to-do list. Even in homes where parenting is shared, moms tend to take on the invisible labor of managing the household.
Patriarchal Expectations
Society still holds mothers to an impossible standard. We’re expected to be endlessly patient, nurturing, and self-sacrificing. When we inevitably fall short, the guilt and shame can build, fueling frustration and rage. Many moms are juggling careers while still carrying the bulk of childcare and household responsibilities. The weight of the mental load is deeply tied to patriarchal expectations, making it even harder to break free from the cycle.
Lack of Support
Many moms are isolated, with little support from family or community. The old saying “it takes a village” is true, but so many moms are parenting without one.
Exhaustion and Overstimulation
Lack of sleep, constant noise, and being touched all day long can push any mom past her limit. When you’re already running on empty, small frustrations can feel like huge triggers.
How Common Is Mom Rage?
If you feel like you’re the only one struggling with this, you’re not. While there aren’t official statistics, online discussions, like those on Reddit, are full of moms sharing their experiences. The fact that so many women relate to this shows how widespread it really is. As one redditor put it, “Anger is the emotion of unmet needs.”
In my work with mothers, every single one has shared a moment of mom rage. It’s not just common, it’s universal. Whether it’s a fleeting burst of frustration or a full-blown explosion, mom rage is something so many moms experience but rarely talk about. You’re not alone in this, and it doesn’t make you a bad mom. It just means you’re human.
How to Stop Mom Rage in the Moment
Stopping mom rage when it’s already building up can be tough, but here are a few strategies I work on with my clients:
Take a breath. Even if it’s after the fact.
You might not be able to pause in the heat of the moment, but as soon as you can, take a slow breath in and out. The goal is to train yourself to do this earlier and earlier over time.
Silent Response. Practice saying nothing.
Instead of snapping or reacting with words, try staying silent. If your kids are coming at you when you’re overstimulated, you don’t have to respond immediately. Take a deep breath, ground yourself, and then engage when you’re ready.
You can be present for your kids without immediately responding with words. Imagine this: You’re overstimulated, and your toddler takes a tumble, running to you for comfort. You have nothing left to give at that moment. Instead of forcing a response, you can simply hold them, hug them, and offer silent reassurance. They’ll still feel your love, and you’ll give yourself the space to catch your breath before mom rage boils over.
Remove yourself if possible.
If it’s safe to do so, step away for a moment. Even walking to the next room for a deep breath can help reset your nervous system. Open the back door and breathe in a few breaths of fresh air.
Use a safe release.
Find a healthy outlet to release the anger before it builds too much. Some options: scream into a pillow, push against a wall, grip something tightly, or exhale loudly. Use these as you increase your ability to find that breath.
Repairing After a Mom Rage Moment
If you’ve had an outburst, remember that repair is always possible. Apologizing to your kids shows them that emotions are normal and that making amends is part of healthy relationships. Try saying something like:
“I got really frustrated earlier, and I yelled. I’m sorry for that. I’m working on handling my big feelings better.”
Repairing doesn’t mean excusing the behavior. It means showing your kids that everyone makes mistakes and that relationships can be mended.
Mom Rage Book by Minna Dubin
I found Mom Rage by Minna Dubin to be a compelling read, especially in how it highlights the societal roots of mom rage. Dubin does an excellent job of showing how the impossible standards placed on mothers, the patriarchy, the mental load, and lack of systemic support contribute to feelings of resentment and rage. It was validating to see that mom rage isn’t just a personal failing but a response to an overwhelming, often unsustainable, reality.
One thing I did find lacking in the book was more immediate, in-the-moment strategies for managing mom rage as it happens. While it offers a powerful framework for understanding why mom rage exists and long-term ways to address it, it doesn’t always give quick, actionable steps for when you feel like you’re about to boil over.
That being said, Mom Rage is an important read for any mom who has ever felt alone in their anger. If you're interested, you can check out Minna Dubin’s work on her website.
Seeking Therapy for Moms in Chicago, Milwaukee, Hinsdale, and Whitefish Bay
If mom rage is a constant struggle, working with a therapist can help. As a therapist specializing in working with moms, I help women recognize their triggers, build coping strategies, and reduce the guilt and shame that often come with mom rage.
If you’re looking for a therapist to help with mom rage, I’d love to support you. I offer therapy for moms in Chicago, Milwaukee, Hinsdale, Whitefish Bay, and anywhere in Illinois or Wisconsin and provide a compassionate, judgment-free space to work through these challenges.
About the Author
I’m a licensed therapist specializing in therapy for moms, particularly those struggling with mom rage, anxiety, and the challenges of motherhood. My approach focuses on practical, real-life strategies that help moms feel more in control and less overwhelmed. If you’re looking for support, I’d love to help. Connect with me to schedule a free 15min consultation. You can also check out the rest of my website to learn more.
